Oct
2012
Dear Moms: How Do You Handle Your Toddler’s Temper Tantrums?
Zach is now 1 and a half years old and it seems as if he has reached temper-tantrum mode and refuses to escape it. He has the same temper-tantrums every day, over the same things and situations. My biggest concern is when he wants to do or have something that is extremely dangerous. For example, wanting the pair of scissors on the desk, running outside, or wanting to climb the table. Even after falling off of the table, he will still want to get back onto it! I’m seriously afraid he’s going to break a bone or worse.
Zach’s temper-tantrums are driving me crazy, mostly because I don’t know what to DO when he has one! What I usually do is take him away from the situation and have him sit until he calms down. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn’t. I’ve tried reading Dr. Harvey’s “Happiest Toddler On The Block”, but it hasn’t been working for us.
So moms, how do you handle temper tantrums? Are there any methods that work for you over others? Any tips are much-appreciated!
Kristyn Kilcullen
October 19, 2012 at 9:03 am (216 days ago)It depends on where the temper tantrum it. If at home i take her to her room until she is done throwing a fit. If in the store I walk away (making sure i can still see her) and she freaks out that im leaving and stops and follows me.
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Pam
October 19, 2012 at 9:33 am (216 days ago)If it is in a public place like a store or restaurant we have gotten up and left. It only took one time in a restaurant before the kids decided they didn’t want to do that again. At home, I always tried the time out approach. I removed them from the situation and put them in their room until they calmed down.
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Kecia
October 19, 2012 at 9:38 am (216 days ago)My son just turned two and his temper tantrums seem to be in full force. He likes to throw things when he gets angry, which I am afraid is going to damage something or someone one day! When he begins, I typically remind him that we do not throw things, and then I go about my business. I have found that his tantrums are much shorter if I simply ignore the behavior. Trying to talk to him seems to make them escalate into him screaming.
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SHauna
October 19, 2012 at 10:21 am (216 days ago)I tell them very quietly that a crying is not the way… I try to discuss the issue – if they are too far into their fit, I send mine to their room to calm down then try to discuss it with them. It helps with I get to their level and right into their face… not easy but good luck
Melissa Lawler
October 19, 2012 at 3:33 pm (216 days ago)He is at an age where he is pushing boundaries and developing his sense of self. Time outs and ignoring the behavior are the best thing to do. Now is the time to start reinforcing his good behavior so there is less of the negative.
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jessica
October 19, 2012 at 4:11 pm (216 days ago)My first step is to try and distract my toddler with something else. If that doesn’t work, unlike the other commenters, I do not use time-outs for my 21 month old. Rather, we do “time-ins,” that is, lots of cuddles and calming words until she calms down. I am also still nursing, so that’s a pretty surefire way to end a tantrum.
Caroline Upton
November 1, 2012 at 6:16 am (203 days ago)Hi there fellow momma. Our tantrum techniques focus mainly on avoiding the triggers for a tantrum. Obviously this is not 100% effective all the time but it does save a lot of aggravation for both of us. If you see/feel a tantrum coming on redirect him to another task or activity to avoid the oncoming conflict- suggest a walk or other activity where he can wear off some of his energy. “No, we don’t sit on the table…why don’t we build you a special fort with the couch cushions instead” etc… Once a tantrum is in full swing I completely ignore him. Make sure he’s safe but just let him be. They cannot stop themselves right away. Once it’s over give hime a hug and ask if he feels better (kids can often feel a little scared after a tantrum) and confirm the rules that set the tantrum into motion and suggest an activity (“We don’t climb on the table because its dangerous, lets go do x”). Above all keep your cool and be patient with your feelings. If you are visibly upset it will be harder for him to calm down. We use the super nanny time out rule too and they are very effective.
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Aly
November 2, 2012 at 8:18 am (202 days ago)Thanks for your tips! I’ve been trying to re-direct him to other activities before the tantrum, but they still occur anyway. It’s hard for me to ignore his behavior when the others in the house encourage him while he’s having his tantrum. So once I get back home, I think I’ll be able to handle it better.
Kate Moore
December 3, 2012 at 6:47 pm (171 days ago)I have 2 daughters, ages 6 and 3. My 6 yr old is going through that “It’s not fair!” stage which is driving me nuts, but other than that really doesn’t have tantrum issues anymore. My 3 yr old on the other hand is a little gremlin and has them daily. She’s a free spirit, but we let her know that she can’t do/say/play with certain things because she’s not old or because they’re dangerous for her or mean to other people. When she gets upset, if it’s a mild tantrum, we put her in timeout in a corner in our kitchen. 3 mins to start with, an additional minute for each time she talks or gets up. If it’s a really bad one she gets locked in her room until she decides she wants to be nice.
Aly
December 4, 2012 at 12:50 pm (170 days ago)I have a nephew who is going through the “that’s not fair” stage, it is super crazy! My toddler hasn’t had any temper tantrums lately, well not any huge ones I can think of, but it’s usually when he wants to go outside when he can’t. It drives me crazy, but all I can do at that point is hold him and try to distract him.
Heather Swarthout
December 18, 2012 at 10:21 pm (155 days ago)My daughter is 19 months old and she has temper tantrums as well, but usually what I have been told is to watch her and not feed the tantrum. Don’t yell, just basically wait until she’s calmed down. I’ve also learned to take her to a different area and show her something else to play with that is safer for her.. take at least 10-15 minutes to distract her then I go back to doing what I’m doing. She usually has tantrums when she’s super tired or teething.. other than that she breaks away from the thing she can’t have pretty easily. Just find something fun that you can distract him with long enough to hide the item he can’t have.. or make it fun so that he stays inside where he’s safe until you can go outside with him. :) Good luck!
Nadia@Loveliveandgarden
January 6, 2013 at 1:27 am (137 days ago)I have 3 kids and what works for one doesn’t work for all three. But firstly, I try to avoid situations that trigger tantrums. What also works sometimes is when my child escalates, I de-escalate and talk really quietly and calmly while I direct him/her to calm down and use their words. The whole time I have a reassuring look on my face and look them directly in the eyes. But in general, I think you have to find out what works for your particular child. Good luck!
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Grossesse
April 14, 2013 at 7:22 am (39 days ago)A tantrum is a normal response when something blocks a young child from gaining independence or learning a skill. The child may not yet have the skills to express anger and frustration in other ways. For example, a temper tantrum may happen when a child becomes frustrated while trying to button a shirt or is told it’s time for bed when he or she wants to stay up.
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